this is a great comment and question; i will happily answer from my perspective.
1) “why does it matter that I prefer Black women..”
- The relations of Black women and white men have a very long history, involving rape, murder, dehumanization, fetishization, exotification, etc.. This needs to be taken into consideration when getting involved in interracial relationships. It needs to be examined. These people are people who looked like me, who committed these atrocities. I need to examine my reasons for being attracted to Black women because they could be problematic and impact others in oppressive ways.2) “If I preferred blondes over brunettes, nobody would care..”
- Race and hair color are not even remotely similar. Hair color is not a socially constructed system that oppresses, marginalizes, and dehumanizes. Therefore, hair color is irrelevant and quite belittling and condescending to this conversation, if your intention was to actually have this conversation.3) “This shouldn’t be a controversial topic, it’s fucked up we still see white men liking Black women as “edgy”…”
- it is a controversial topic because white supremacy still dominates our society. It is a controversial topic because I still see white men objectify, exotify, fetishize Black women every day—viewing Black women as sexual conquests to be explored and discarded with. This is why interracial relationships are seen as taboo. This is why they still need to be thought of critically.4) “so much has changed, not the fact we still have feelings of separating races.”
- This point needs to be unpacked and requires a lot of jargon to be used so I will do it as brief as possible.
- "Changed" is not the word I would use. "Adapted" would better represent the systemic, institutional, and individual racism still running rampant. It has adapted into a colorblind racism, which involved many subsets and examples; one, which you are displaying very well, the "we are all human, so why should this matter" example. Yes, we are all human, but that is beside the point. Race is a socially constructed system, which has real life impacts and consequences. Racially, we do not have the same starting line, or the same obstacles we face throughout life.
- The words “separation” and “segregation” are entirely different words.
- Segregation is systemic and continues to this very day. (spacial mismatching, urban disinvestment, white flight, zoning, etc.)
- Separatism can be used in a few different contexts and it depends who is doing the separating; often the group having the agency in this motion. Separatism can also be used as means for survival (example, the Black Consciousness Movement in South Africa, led by Steve Biko)5) “Love who I want”
- I will love whom I want, but not without critical self-evaluation and introspection to make sure that these “personal preferences” are not based on racist socializations that I have been conditioned to perpetuate and believe.
- Why would I want my love to be based on power dynamics that benefit me? Instead of actual complementary love which helps me and my partner grow with one another rather than dehumanize..
I love him
I wish this way of thinking was more prevalent.
why isn’t there a STRAIGHT pride parade?? why isn’t there WHITE history month? why isn’t there an international MEN’S day!? why isn’t there a hospital for WELL people?? why isn’t there a soup kitchen for RICH people??!?